A very near and dear friend was talking to me about my blog posts a few months ago. He was wondering if I could write a post for guys. A post where I give advice on how to talk to women.
So I’ve been giving it A LOT of thought.
I’ve gone through my interactions with guys at parties for the last few years. I thought about what “worked” and what “didn’t work.” What a guy should say and what not to say. I even talked about it with some of my girlfriends over wine. And, guys, i’m happy to report back that I’ve narrowed it down to one…easy…step. That’s it! So, listen up, boys…here it is:
How to talk to a woman:
1. Go up to her, introduce yourself. And then talk to her like you would talk to any other human.
That’s it. There’s really no trick. No “lines” needed. No aces up your sleeves. Just walk up to her, introduce yourself, and say whatever it is you would say to any new person. Pretend like she’s just a normal standard human that you’re trying to get to know…because that’s what we are. We’re just like you.
And if you don’t know where to start…just start with your name. It’s simple.
If she walks up to your group while you’re in the middle of a conversation…you can continue that conversation. No need to switch to a topic you “think” she would be interested in. If she’s bored, she will walk away, and this opens you up to going up to her later and saying, “hey…didn’t catch your name back there…where are you from?”
You can talk to her about pretty much anything at all. Sports, work, life in the city you live in…be creative. If you’re having trouble thinking of topics, just think about what you say to dudes the first few times you meet them. It works the same way. We all just kind of like stuff. And she may like the same stuff that you do. Find out!
However… just like any other human you meet, she may choose that she doesn’t really want to speak to you for too long. A woman, like anyone else, may have her own friends that she came to hang out with, or may just want to enjoy the party and socialize. It happens.
It has nothing to do with you…
Or what you look like or what you’re wearing. And as long as you are just talking to her like any other human, I promise you, it has nothing to do with what you said. So just walk away, and hang out with people who love you for a while. Shake it off.
Now look, I know you were hoping for something a little more “exotic.” A guaranteed way to strike up a conversation. But that doesn’t really exist for any human on human interaction you can think of.
Think about it: at a party…how many times has a relative stranger been able to keep your undivided attention for more than ten minutes? Those types of situations where you really “hit it off” with someone just don’t happen all that often, which is why we cherish them when they do. Don’t take it personally.
And remember…women have to deal with a lot of douche-bros throwing attention our ways. So if you get overlooked every now and then…please give us a little bit of a break and just back away nicely. And please please please, don’t ever say: I’m not like most guys. Just don’t. Because every guy says that. It’s annoying.
So that’s it…that’s how you talk to a woman. Talk to her like any one else. We are no different. And trust me, as a woman, I realize how hard or intimidating it is to speak to us. I get shot down regularly when I’m actually genuinely just trying to be friends with them. I feel your pain, but I’m telling you…the gimmicks, the lines, they simply don’t work on women.
So that’s women…we like it when you treat us normally. Because we are just normal people. Mostly.
That being said…not every female out there considers herself a woman who just wants to be spoken to like everyone else. Some of us like to be treated differently, treated like princesses, treated like girls. Talking to a girl is a completely different ball game, and generally, they’re much more fun to talk to at parties.
This guide is a little more detailed, but go ahead and give it a look. (Warning: these will not work on women…we will just walk away)
A step by step guide to talking to girls:
1. Start off by “negging” her
Example: You see a girl with a hot body and you say, “Wow…you need to workout”
This is probably the most effective way to get a girl interested as it makes her feel like shit about herself for a second, but then she realizes it’s a compliment, so she feels DOUBLY good about what you said.
2. If the negging works, compliment her, but only in the 3rd person
Example: A girl makes a funny joke, and you look to the person next to you and go, “Aww…she’s so funny, isn’t she?”
You don’t want her to get bored too quickly…so very slowly, slowly show her you approve of her existence and personality. Baby steps.
3. Ignore her when another female walks up…but only for a few minutes
(You can also combine this with some slight negging. You can say something like, “finally…someone interesting to talk to.” Follow this with a wink in her direction so she knows you’re not serious. She’ll go crazy!)
4. Interrupt the flow of a normal conversation to give her an out of place compliment about her appearance…then continue said conversation
(The trick is to make it seem like you’re so overwhelmed by her beauty that you couldn’t control what came out of your mouth)
5. Just be very very attractive and stand there and let her come up with things to say (Ok…this one may work on women sometimes…we are only human after all)
Now…none of this is an attack on “girls.” Or on guys who like talking to them.
I used to really enjoy being talked to like a girl…it kept me on my toes, I never really knew what to expect, banter goes back and forth…just like a game. And then I realized I really hate games. If you never know what to expect from someone, you can probably just stop expecting much at all.
And I just don’t have time for that anymore.